


Behind Closed Doors

by Cali85



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Fucking, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-06 10:33:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6750379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cali85/pseuds/Cali85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of stories from the Aird/Belivet household.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Relax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therese thinks Carol could do with some stress release.

‘Sorry darling, I know, I know, I’m late again’ Carol said as she came through the front door

Therese looked at the clock, it was 7:50.

‘Don’t worry I’m used to it’ Therese replied with a smile

Carol had thrown herself into her new found career as if she were making up for all those lost years she spent playing housewife. Her hard work had paid off and she had quickly become the best buyer the furniture shop had ever had. This had led to the owner leaning more and more on Carol to handle the biggest clients and toughest deals.

Therese was delighted for Carol and so proud of her success but she was starting to get annoyed at the constant late nights. Therese was hardly a stranger to coming home late either with her job at the Times really taking off, but lately the two barely saw each other. Carol was working every Saturday with the exception of the one a month when Rindy came over and she was rarely home before 8pm on a weekday causing countless cancelled dinner reservations.

This routine had put a serious strain on their sex life. When they first moved in they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They christened almost every surface of the apartment. For the last month, when they did have sex, it was more for stress release and the goal was to get to orgasm as quickly as possible. _Romance was dead_ , Therese thought to herself. She couldn’t blame Carol entirely. She had been working late too, though not every night and not to the same hours as Carol.

Carol gave an apologetic smile as she walked over to kiss Therese. She then threw herself down on the couch and sank down. This was not like Carol at all. She always sat upright. Therese always thought Carol was the only person in the world who could make good posture seem sooooo erotic.

Carol turned her head to the side away from Therese and closed her eyes. Therese could see she was exhausted. ‘You work too hard’ she said as she moved in to kiss her cheek and nuzzle her head into her neck. Carol opened her eyes and a smile crept across her face. She wrapped her weary arms around Therese and kissed her forehead. She loved this. Coming home after an exhausting day to a warm apartment and her beautiful angel.

‘I take it you haven’t had a good day’

‘Oh, I have a client who’s just bought a townhouse and needs every piece of furniture imaginable. The wife has a vision in her head of every single room and wants the exact furniture she envisions. It’s a nightmare. I’ve been to every furniture shop and auction house in Manhattan this week. I’ve lost count of the amount of pieces I’ve shown her. I’m starting to wish she’d go to another dealer’

‘Haven’t you found anything?’ Therese asked with a laugh.

‘Yes, it started off well. She’s bought a number of pieces to be fair but it’s a massive house. It’s just getting harder and harder to find the exact side table or china pattern’. Carol replied mockingly. ‘It’s getting insane. She even produced a drawing she’d made of a vase which she wants for the drawing room and said she wanted a Ming vase that looks just like it. I asked had she seen one like this and she said no but that’s exactly the one she wants. I had to fight every impulse not to blurt out the fact that if there was never a Ming vase produced which looked like this then really there’s nothing I could do and that goes for your Chippendale Chair for the library too. Imbecile’

‘Oh dear. Shall I pour you a glass of wine’ Therese asked ‘You look like you need one’

‘Thank you darling. I think you’d better bring the bottle’ Carol added with a laugh.

 _She’s stressed_ Therese said to herself as she went to the kitchen to fetch Carol’s wine. _To be fair we both are. When did I last go down on her_ Therese thought. _It must have been nearly 2 weeks ago_. Therese began reliving the occasion. _She came so quickly. We both did. It would be so good to just relax, take our time again, explore every inch of that beautiful, soft, alabaster skin of Carols. To run my lips over those gorgeous breasts and flat stomach. Moving down._ She could almost taste Carol, she could hear her moan as she gently licked her, feel her writhing at her touch… _Oh shit the wine._

As she came back through Carol had undone a couple of buttons on her top and was rubbing her right hand along her left shoulder blade. Therese watched for a second thinking how much she wanted to rub that for her.

Carol looked up. ‘No’ she said with a smile ‘I’m too exhausted’

‘I don’t know what you mean’ Therese replied laughing as she handed Carol her wine.

‘I know that look’ Carol said smirking ‘But not tonight darling, I’m sorry’. She lit a cigarette and leaned back against the couch, cigarette in one hand, wine glass in the other and legs slightly parted. Therese’s eyes kept going there. She could taste her.

‘Darling’ Therese began tentatively ‘You seem very tense and stressed out’ She ran her hand gently up Carol’s thigh ‘maybe a little release would do you good’. Carol smiled. She enjoyed when Therese flirted with her and could see that naughty look that usually got Carol going, in Therese’s eye. ‘Why don’t you just sit back with your wine and cigarette and let me do all the work?’

Carol was not really in the mood but she felt guilty that she and Therese hadn’t had sex lately. She felt like she had been neglecting Therese and her young lover clearly needed her attention.

‘Ok’ she replied ‘Why can’t I ever say no to you? You’ve got me wrapped around your finger and I love it’

Therese beamed and began kissing Carol gently whilst sliding her hand up and down her thigh. She moved her lips down to her neck and began running her tongue in small circles around a very sensitive area Carol had just under her left ear. Carol took a drag of her cigarette and closed her eyes trying to get into the mood.

Therese started to lift up Carol’s skirt and began gently stroking her over her underwear. She knew fine well Carol wouldn’t be wet yet and it would take a while tonight. She let her hand sit motionless over Carol’s underwear for a minute whilst she continued kissing her neck. Carol could feel her clit pulsating at the heat from Therese’s hand.

She moved her lips to the base of Carol’s neck and continued to kiss, suck and bite gently. Carol was starting to get into it but it was still a struggle to keep her mind on it.

Therese got down on her knees and slid off Carol’s underwear. Carol watched her lover with amusement. Therese began slowly kissing the inside of Carol’s left thigh whilst gently stroking the underside. She stroked Carol’s clit a few times. _Damn still dry_. She had never had this problem before. _What to do_. She looked up at Carol who was taking a drink from her glass. _She’s not into it_ Therese thought, but she didn’t want to give up yet. She really needed it even if Carol didn’t. _One last throw of the dice_ Therese thought.

She stood up. ‘It’s a bit hot in here’ she said as she began unbuttoning her shirt slowly. Carol’s pupils dilated. _Now I’ve got you_ Therese thought as she slipped the shirt off her shoulders letting it fall to the floor. Carol’s lips parted slightly and she watched intently as Therese got back on her knees.

She continued stroking Carol’s clit with her thumb and began kissing the inside of her other thigh. She teasingly kept her eyes on Carol’s as she moved up. Carol could feel herself starting to relax. She took a slow drag of her cigarette, her eyes never leaving Therese.

Carol swallowed hard as she felt Therese’s warm tongue press against her clit. Therese began running the tip of her tongue slowly over Carol’s hood in small circular motions, maintaining a steady rhythm.

Carol’s breathing became heavier as Therese’s fingers gently stroked her lips. With her other hand she ran her nails along the underside of Carols right thigh which caused her to let out a breathy moan.

 _She’s wet. I have to taste her._ She ran her tongue down to Carol’s opening and slid it in and out sensuously for a few moments. She then parted her lips and with a flat tongue began licking up and down achingly slowly. As she looked up Carol was licking her lips and her head was starting to fall backwards.

She began applying a bit more pressure to Carol’s hood and as her tongue passed all the way up she took it in between her lips and gently sucked. Carol gasped as this new sensation. Her whole body was beginning to tremble. She still had a cigarette in one hand and the wine glass in the other but she had to put them down.

With her hands now free she pushed up her top and started letting one hand stroke her breasts and play with her hard nipples whilst the other ran aimlessly over the top of her thigh.

Therese then started moving her tongue from side. She began alternating between using just the tip of her tongue to flattening it out completely, moving side to side, up and down, small circles to larger circles, moving clockwise then anti clockwise.

Carol could feel all the tension leaving her body as she slid down the couch and began panting and moaning heavily.

Therese began applying more pressure. She ran her tongue along Carol’s inner lips and sucked every so often to mix up the sensation. Carol was soaking wet now. It had been too long since Therese had last tasted her lover and she was determined to lick up every drop.

‘Oh, god’ Carol moaned breathlessly ‘keep going baby’ Her head was thrust back against the couch and her eyes were rolling back into her head.

Therese slid in one finger. ‘Fuck’ Carol moaned. This made Therese smile as Carol only ever swore during sex. She slid in a second and felt Carols hand grab onto the top of her head pushing her closer. She slid them in slowly to begin with pulling them almost all the way out before sliding them in deep. She began to flick Carol’s hood with her tongue which caused a volley of throaty moans.

Therese was struggling to keep control. She was so wet and breathing almost as hard as Carol. But she had to keep her mind on the job. She slid in another finger, curled them upwards and thrust as deeply as she could whilst licking and sucking Carol’s clit.

‘Oh god Therese…don’t stop baby…I’m almost there’ Therese could feel Carol’s legs trembling.

She thrust harder and faster with her fingers whist moving her tongue in quick, hard steady strokes along Carol’s clit.

‘Therese, Oh Therese, oh god’ Carol was almost screaming as her orgasm ripped through her centre in a wave of ecstasy. She fell back on to the couch letting her body go completely limp.

Therese stayed down there enjoying her lovers juices and breathing in her scent. She loved the way Carol smelled after she’d fucked her.

‘Come here darling’ Carol said after a minute, still trying to catch her breath.

Therese sat on the couch next to her, put her legs over Carol’s lap and began kissing her.

‘That was incredible’ Carol said with a smile ‘Now I remember why I can’t say no to you’


	2. Facing Our Fears Part1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol's haunted by her worst fears becoming reality. Part 1.

Carol could see her striding up the sidewalk. She was distracted. She was fiddling with her camera. She didn’t see it coming, but Carol had a view of it all. Therese glanced up and began crossing. She looked down at her camera. The cab driver didn’t see her coming out between the parked cars. Carol was helpless. She couldn’t yell, she couldn’t move, she could only watch as the cab approached. Everything slowed down. Carols heart began racing, tears began filling her eyes, she reached out her arm and screamed ‘Therese’. Therese finally looked up as the cab was inches from her.

Carol shot up, heart racing, hair clinging to her head, a film of water covering her eyes. ‘Therese, Therese’ she whispered frantically, shaking her sleeping lover ‘Are you ok?’

‘What the hell’s going on’ Therese mumbled through her confusion.

‘Sorry darling, it was just a dream’ Carol said with relief. ‘Go back to sleep angel’

‘Are you ok? Your hair’s thick with sweat’ Therese replied part concerned part amused.

Carol put her hand against her forehead. She turned on the lamp and looked at her pillow. It was soaked. She quickly realised her pyjamas were sticking to her.

‘What was your dream about’ Therese asked whilst shielding her eyes from the lamplight

Carol didn’t want to relive it, not now. ‘It was nothing darling. Just a stupid dream. Go back to sleep. I’m just going to splash some water on my face and change this top’

Therese could see the sweat mark running down Carol’s back as she walked towards the bathroom. Whatever this was about Carol was clearly upset and Therese thought it best to try and speak to her about it. Carol was so guarded with her feelings and Therese knew the longer it took for her to speak about things the worse Carol would become.

Carol stood at the sink trying to calm her breathing. That was the worse one yet she thought to herself. Her dreams had been becoming increasingly darker over the last the month. It started with a dream about Rindy screaming ’I don’t want to see you anymore Mommy’ Carol had woken with tears in her eyes but had waved it off quickly. Rindy rejecting her was an obvious fear.

The dreams had evolved into a common theme with the people closest to her leaving for one reason or another. This was the first one where someone she loved came to harm.

Though all the dreams had upset her she had been able to conceal them from Therese. She felt embarrassed at Therese having seen this weakness. _A grown woman afraid of her dreams_ she thought. _Worse than that a grown woman becoming frantic at a dream_.

She stayed in the bathroom gathering herself together determined to return to bed composed. She was also hoping Therese would have fallen back asleep so she wouldn’t have to go over it again. This dream had shaken her. The thought of something happening to Therese was more than she could bare.

Ever since that night at the Oak Room when Therese had come back to her, life had been a dream. She had never thought she would ever fall in love again and certainly never be able to build a home with the woman she loved. But against all the odds she had done it. They had a beautiful home, close friends, good jobs, money, security and even Rindy. Harge had agreed to one weekend a month and although this was nowhere near perfect, after everything that had gone on this felt like a blessing. Rindy adored Therese and seeing them together melted Carol’s heart and made her think she really did have everything.

When Carol emerged from the bathroom Therese was changing the wet pillowcase. ‘You didn’t have to do that. Go back to sleep’ Carol protested.

‘I don’t mind. Do you want to tell me what it was all about?’ Therese asked gently.

‘I told you, it was just a silly dream darling. No need to worry’

‘You’ve been having upsetting dreams a lot lately haven’t you’ Therese asked.

Carol looked down at her hands. She hadn’t realised Therese knew. ‘Not a lot, just a few’.

‘I’ve heard you talking in your sleep. Sometimes I think you’re crying?’

‘They’re just silly dreams. Don’t worry about them’ Carol felt embarrassed. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore. ‘Let’s go to sleep. It’s late and we have to be up for work soon’

Therese wanted to talk about it but she knew what Carol was like. If she pushed her she would shut down and it would lead to an argument. Best just to let her talk when she’s ready. ‘Ok but if you want to talk about it you know I’m here’ Therese said as she pulled the covers over them. Carol smiled and kissed her gently.

Therese knew Carol well enough to know that when she is upset she tries to deal with it on her own to begin with and would never ask for comfort. She moved in closer to Carol and put her hand around her waist and cuddled into her neck.

Carol smiled and wrapped her arms around her and placed a kiss on her forehead ‘Night darling’

‘Night’ replied Therese.

Carol couldn’t fall back asleep. She lay there reliving the dream. She began to think about some of the others. There was one where they were at a party and Therese was with another woman. Carol watched as they smiled and laughed at each other. The woman was about 19 with dark shoulder length hair and dark brown eyes. She was slightly taller than Therese. She wasn’t anyone Carol knew. She watched the woman slide her arms around Therese’s waist. Carol could feel her blood rising, she wanted to march up to them but she couldn’t move. She was a mere spectator and had to watch as the woman set her lips against Therese’s. She woke up. She turned to see Therese sleeping peacefully next to her but felt inexplicably angry towards her. Maybe this dream’s trying to tell me something. Then she smiled to herself. Therese would never do something like that, what an idiot.

There were other dreams too which stuck in her mind. One where Abby told her she was leaving to go live in Europe. She never said where in Europe or indeed why but Carol had felt an overwhelming sense of loss at this. She woke up and lay thinking about how awful it would be if her best friend and closest confidante were to leave. Who would she turn to? There was always Therese. But would Therese always be there? Besides it’s not the same thing, everyone needs someone out with their partner to talk to.

Since she couldn’t sleep she got up before the alarm went off. She had some coffee and sat in complete silence and became lost in her thoughts.

By the time Therese got up Carol was already showered and dressed and was making Therese breakfast.

‘Morning’ Therese said with surprise as she entered the kitchen ‘Why are you already dressed at this time of the morning’

‘I couldn’t sleep so I thought I might as well get up and on with my day’

‘So you’re not going to talk about the dream yet?’

‘There’s nothing to talk about Therese’ she replied ‘It was just a silly dream’

‘Fine’ Therese knew when to leave Carol alone. Sometimes she would push just to get it out of her but not at this time of the morning. She couldn’t bare going to work after an argument. It would be on her mind all day.

After breakfast Therese went off to get ready for work. Carol decided to go in early. No point in sitting around. As Therese came out the bedroom to kiss Carol goodbye she was fiddling with the lens on her camera.

‘You know you really should put the camera in its case when you go to work. You’re always fiddling with it when you’re out on the street. You don’t pay attention’

Therese looked at her quizzically ‘Ok’ she replied not knowing where this random request had come from ‘I’ll put it in its case now’


	3. Facing Our Fears Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carries on from Part 1.

‘Darling I’m home’ Carol announced as she walked through the door. There was no reply. She could see Therese’s shoes at the front door and her coat on the hanger. ‘Therese are you there’ Still no reply.

Carol looked in the bedroom. No sign of Therese. She wondered down the hall to the kitchen. There were pots on the stove. Still no Therese. ‘Therese’ she called out again. She was becoming more and more anxious. Something wasn’t right.

She made her way into the living room.

There she was, lying face down on the floor, motionless. ‘Therese’ Carol screamed as she ran to her. As she flipped Therese over she could see there was blood coming from her forehead. ‘Therese, Therese, wake up’ There was no movement. She couldn’t tell whether she was dead or alive. Carol was becoming frantic, she was shaking her and screaming ‘Therese’ over and over whilst sobbing uncontrollably’

‘Carol’ She looked down but nothing about Therese had changed ‘Carol, Carol’, _Where is that coming from_ ‘Carol, wake up’

Therese was looking down at her. She shot up. She put her hand to Therese’s face and kissed her fiercely. She was still breathing heavily. When she pulled back she could see the shock on Therese’s face.

‘Are you ok?’ Therese asked whilst placing her arm over Carol’s shoulder.

‘Yes, yes of course darling. Just another silly dream’ Carol forced a smile and turned her eyes downwards.

‘That didn’t seem silly, you were thrashing around and almost screaming. Not to mention the crying’

Carol put her fingers up to her eyes, wiped the tears away and gave another nervous laugh. ‘Sorry darling. Go back to sleep’. She then got up to head to bathroom embarrassed that Therese had witnessed this again.

‘Carol’ Therese called out

‘It’s ok just go back to sleep’

Therese hated when she was like this. _Should I force her to talk about it or should I let it be_. At that she heard the shower going. _She’s trying to avoid me again._

They said nothing more about it. Carol avoided Therese’s questions and left for work early again. She hadn’t slept and was feeling the effects. Her head was heavy and she felt sluggish.

At around 10:30am as Carol sat at her desk filling out a stack of invoices, Abby called to invite her to lunch.

‘God you look rough’ Abby said after they had sat down ‘Are you unwell’

‘No I’m fine, just a bit tired’ Carol replied trying to conceal just how tired she really was ‘I haven’t been sleeping much lately’

Abby raised an eyebrow ‘Well that’s the problem with keeping a younger woman’ she smirked.

Carol laughed ‘Some of us manage just fine in that department darling’. At that the waiter came back with their Dry Martini’s ‘Thank you’ Carol said to the waiter more for his interruption than the drinks.

‘So what’s wrong then. Is work ok?’

‘Yes work’s fine. There’s nothing wrong, I’m just not sleeping much that’s all’

‘Anything in particular keeping you awake’ Abby asked whilst taking a sip of her drink.

Carol sensed something off in the way she asked. It was as if she already knew the answer ‘Therese asked you to meet me didn’t she?’

Abby looked at her and sighed ‘Don’t be mad’

‘Dammit’

‘She was just worried’

‘What did she say?’

Abby hesitated. Therese had seemed very concerned on the phone and had given explicit instructions not to let on to Carol as she knew she would shut down with Abby too. ‘She just said you were having some nightmares and that you weren’t sleeping. She also said you weren’t really speaking to her much about anything and acting strangely’

‘Strangely?’

‘She said you’ve been drinking more and going on about Therese wanting to be with women her own age. She mentioned that you got jealous last week when you were at Gen’s party and she was speaking to some girl’

‘Oh, that girl was clearly flirting with her and Therese didn’t seem to mind’

‘Do you mind when young girls flirt with you?’

Carol smiled ‘I’d had one too many that was all. I apologised to Therese and everything was fine’

‘You’re not one for getting jealous. I’ve seen plenty of women, young and old, take a fancy to Therese and you laugh at her awkwardness’ They both laughed.

‘So what are the dreams about’

‘To begin with they were about people leaving me, mostly Therese. But lately they’ve taken a sinister twist with Therese getting physically hurt. They’re stupid Abby, it’s nothing to worry about’ Carol wanted to change the subject.

‘Well clearly you are worried or you wouldn’t be wakening up in a pool of sweat’

‘Therese exaggerates, it’s not that bad’

‘Carol’

‘Just leave it Abby. You’re worrying over nothing’

Abby sighed. She knew fine well when Carol didn’t want to talk about something she wasn’t going too. She knew if she pushed she would get it eventually but in the middle of a restaurant, that wouldn’t be the best idea.

‘Alright’ she said exasperated ‘have it your way. But you’ll have to talk about it eventually. Therese said they’ve been getting worse over the last week. No reason why that won’t continue’

Carol knew she was right but what could she do. She didn’t fully understand why she was having them. _Therese would never run off with another woman_ , _I trust her completely_ she thought to herself. _Or do I? Maybe somewhere deep down I don’t. Look at how she fell in love with me, I walk into a store and that’s that. Why couldn’t it happen again. Our lives changed forever with that one meeting, who’s to say my life won’t be turned upside down again?_ _There’s no way I could love someone else, not after Therese. Even if I could I wouldn’t want it a third time. It’s Therese or nothing for me. But Therese is so young. Does she really know her own mind? I didn’t at her age._

 

‘Carol’ a voice called to her as she walked into the store. It was one of the Secretaries. She looked flushed ‘Thank god you’re back. We weren’t sure which restaurant you’d gone to’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘A man called for you. He said his name was Dannie McElroy he works with Therese at the Times’

Carol’s heart started beating fast.

‘Therese has been rushed in to hospital’


	4. Facing Our Fears Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out what happened to Therese.
> 
> Spoiler Alert: Thank you for all your comments, I know some of you seemed really concerned, but don't worry I would never seriously hurt Therese- Pretty sure I'd be lynched.  
> Also sorry it's taken so long to update- just started a new job so haven't had the time.

Carol flew out the door and waved frantically for a cab. _It’s coming true_ she said to herself. Gone was the heavy head she was feeling earlier, now she felt light headed and confused. She was struggling to control her breathing and felt like she was going to faint. But she managed to summon up every ounce of determination to stay focussed on getting to Therese.

Carol practically ran out of the cab after she threw some money at the driver, she wasn’t sure exactly how much she had given him but she couldn’t care less.

When she got to the front desk the clerk asked if she was family.

‘Yes’ she replied without missing a beat. She knew fine well if she said no they would try to stop her, _good luck with that_ she thought to herself, but that wasn’t the reason. It was because it was true. If they weren’t family, then what was. She would have been admitted to see Harge without any question when they were married even though she never loved him a tenth as much as she does Therese. But because they didn’t have a piece of paper she would have to justify her right to see Therese. The thought made her angry, that her relationship was somehow less or the love she had for Therese was not real love. _As if love has anything to do with marriage_ she thought _not amongst the people in my circle. Even my own parents didn’t love each other. In fact, I can only think of a handful of married people I’ve ever known who have been in love and even fewer that remained so._

The Clerk was unable to tell her what had happened. As she made her way up to the ward she could feel her heart pumping harder, she could hear it thumping louder and louder the closer she got to Therese. Her legs felt weak and she felt as though she had taken a knock to the head.

As she made her way towards the desk in the ward she spotted Dannie through the window. He was standing over the bed so she couldn’t see Therese. She rushed in.

When Carol entered the room Therese was propped up on a pillow with her arm in a sling and a large gash across her forehead which had stitches in it. She looked at Carol and gave a small smile but didn’t seem to be fully focussed on her.

‘Darling, what happened?’ she said breathlessly as she darted towards Therese and wrapped her arms around her.

‘I fell’ Therese replied after a short delay. There was something off about her reaction. When Carol pulled back from the embrace and looked at her she could see Therese swaying slightly and her eyes weren’t focussed.

Carol looked up at Dannie alarmed.

‘Don’t worry, she’ll be fine’ Dannie said softly ‘We were in the park taking some shots when we decided to try a different angle. As we moved around Therese was adjusting her lens and tripped and landed on a small rock, hence the war wound’ he smiled pointing to his temple. ‘The doctor says she has concussion and a sprained wrist. She’ll have to stay in for the night’

Carol felt a sudden wave of relief wash over her. She hugged Therese again. ‘My poor baby. What have I told you about playing with the camera?’ she said with a smile. She kissed her cheek and Therese broke into a beaming smile.

Carol managed to speak to the doctor who confirmed Therese would have to stay in for at least one night, maybe two depending on how she was tomorrow. The thought of one night away from Therese filled Carol with dread but two, that seemed unthinkable. She arranged for Therese to be moved to her own room. Therese protested and said she’d be just fine but Carol was having none of it.

She fussed over Therese until dinner time came around and she had to leave until visiting hours started again at 6pm. She was making a mental list of all the things she needed to bring back in, Pyjama’s, toiletries, something to read in case she felt better etc. She had tried to ask Therese what she wanted but she seemed too confused to fully comprehend the question.

* * *

 

When Carol reached the apartment she headed straight for the phone to call Abby. Despite the fact that she knew Therese was going to be perfectly fine she still felt anxious and needed some support. Abby asked if she wanted her to come to the hospital with her to which Carol gladly agreed.

When they arrived back at the hospital Therese was exactly as she was before, sitting up against the pillows staring out at nothing in particular. She turned and smiled when they came in. There was food on the tray in front her, untouched.

‘Therese you really should eat something darling’ Therese screwed up her nose ‘I’m not hungry’ she replied turning her head to one side. Carol didn’t want to fight with her. ‘Well if you don’t want that I brought in some chocolate, fruit, soda or water if you prefer’ Carol replied emptying one of the 3 bags she’d brought with her. Therese opted for the chocolate and soda.

‘I’ve also brought you pyjama’s and your dressing gown’ This got Therese’s attention. Even in her confused state she was desperate to be out of that horrible hospital gown. Carol helped her change into the pyjama’s and back into bed. She suggested Therese should lie down which she agreed to. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep. Carol and Abby remained until visiting time was over as Carol was loathe to leave her. She kissed the sleeping Therese and whispered she’d call first thing in the morning and be back at visiting hours.

When they left the hospital Abby suggested they go for a drink but Carol wanted to be at home in case Therese or the hospital called.

‘I had a dream that Therese was playing with her camera whilst crossing the road and got hit by a cab’ she said as Abby fixed them a drink. ‘Then in another I came home and she was lying right there on floor with a wound across her head not unlike the one she’s got’.

‘What you think these are psychic visions?’ Abby said with a small laugh which Carol returned.

‘I know they’re not but I can’t shake this feeling that something’s going to happen to her to take her from me’

‘Something almost did take her from you but you fought to get her back. After everything you two have been through why would she leave you now’

‘She might not leave me by choice’

‘It’s highly unlikely something’s going to happen to her Carol, you’re just being paranoid.

‘I know, I know it’s all in my head’ she replied putting her hands to her face.

‘I take it this is why you’re having all these nightmares’ Abby asked whilst sitting down next to her on the sofa and passing her a drink.

‘Yes I suspect so. I keep thinking back to when Therese and I first met and she stayed over at the house. She used to make me breakfast in the morning. She’d wake me up at 8:30 with my eggs and we’d sit together in bed and eat and talk and laugh. It was heaven. I would have to chastise myself for it though. I’d keep saying _I can’t let her stay anymore because this isn’t real. Even if Therese did have feelings for me I could never have that life with her._ But then I’d let her stay again because even though it wasn’t real I wanted to have a glimpse into this domestic bliss, even if it was just a fantasy’ she turned to Abby for the first time and smiled which Abby returned ‘Now I do have this impossible dream, a beautiful, kind, loving woman I wake up with every morning and I’m scared it’s still just that glimpse of a fantasy, you know?’

‘I get it’ Abby replied putting her hand on Carol’s ‘you’ve spent your whole life thinking this is impossible. You pushed all your feelings for women deep, deep down and tried to lock them away and became someone you weren’t. Now you’re free, there’s no pretending and you’ve got the little wife you always wanted but never dared to dream of. You have a lot to lose. But you’re not going to lose it. You have to let it go. It’s not a fantasy’

* * *

 

After Abby left Carol showered and got ready for bed. She had been thinking about the conversation they’d had and for the first time in ages she felt more re-assured. However she was still reluctant to go to sleep. She was convinced she would have another nightmare. She wouldn’t feel Therese was safe until she was back in her arms. She paced the apartment looking for things to do, tidying up everything she could, tidying out cupboards and fixating on straightening out picture frames. Truth be told she didn’t want to get into an empty bed either. She had grown so used to having Therese beside her she wasn’t sure she’d be able to sleep without her.

She decided to read on the couch instead for a while.

‘Carol. Carol are you there’

Carol woke up on the couch to the sound of Abby banging on the door. She looked at the clock 9:25.

‘I’m coming’ she shouted as she got up, still half asleep, to answer the door.

‘Sorry I thought you’d be up by now’ Abby said amusedly as she entered the apartment. ‘I bought you some breakfast. Did you sleep ok?’

Carol closed the door but stood motionless for a few seconds watching Abby disappear into the kitchen. _Is this another dream_ she said to herself.

‘Carol’ she looked up to see Abby looking at her quizzically ‘Are you ok?’

‘Yes’ she smiled coming out of her trance ‘I’d just woken up. I guess I’m still a bit hazy’

Abby laughed ‘Come through to the kitchen and I’ll make you some coffee’

‘Therese’ Carol said as her head was beginning to clear. ‘I’ve got to call the hospital and see how she is’

Whilst Abby made the coffee Carol called the hospital. The nurse informed her that she had woken this morning and had breakfast and seemed more alert than yesterday. She was asleep at the moment but had had a sound night. The doctor would be round to see her sometime in the morning.

She’s fine, nothing’s happened. _I’m awake_ she concluded.


	5. Facing Our Fears Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter of Facing our Fears.

The sun was beating down on her face. She could hear the gentle lapping of sea and feel the sand beneath her feet. She sat on a sun lounger searching her bag for her cigarettes. Therese and Rindy were playing next to the water. Carol watched her two favourite girls running back and forth chasing a ball by the water’s edge. She smiled. It always melted her heart seeing the two of them together.

‘Mommy, Mommy’ Rindy came running up ‘Can I go for a swim in the water? Therese said I have to ask you’

Carol laughed ‘Of course you can. But only in the shallow water. If your feet can’t touch the ground again then you have to come back toward the beach ok?’

‘Ok’ Rindy said turning around. Carol went to lay back on the lounger ‘Hey where’s Therese’ Rindy asked. Carol sat up. She couldn’t see Therese anywhere. Her heart began to race. The beach suddenly became cloudy.

‘Help, Help’ she could hear the screams but couldn’t see anyone at all. ‘Help’

‘Therese’ Carol yelled. She started running towards the water to the spot she last saw Therese. She couldn’t see her. ‘Help, Help, Help’

‘Therese, Therese where are you’ She was frantically looking around. There was no one at all. Even Rindy had disappeared. The Helps were replaced by high pitched screams.

Carol continued to yell. She was in the water now frantically trying to swim in no particular direction.

The screams stopped. Then she saw her. She was floating on the sea, lifeless. Carol started swimming towards her as fast as she could but Therese kept getting further away. She continued to scream. Tears were streaming down her face.

‘Carol, Carol. Wake up’

Carol shot up. She was breathless. ‘Jesus, what the hell was that’ Therese said ‘Didn’t you hear me screaming?

‘Screaming?’

‘You rolled onto my wrist. I woke up screaming. Then when I noticed the state you were in I started shaking and shaking you but you wouldn’t wake up’

Carol looked at Therese’s arm anxiously ‘Are you ok? I’m so sorry’ she was almost crying.

‘It’s ok’ Therese replied softly. She smiled gently at her and wrapped her arm around her shoulder. Carol began to wipe her forehead. She was sweating worse than the last time. The pillow, the sheets and her pyjamas were all soaked through.

She put her hand through her hair and was shocked at the sweat. She looked at Therese who had her arm around her and was clearly very concerned. ‘It’s alright’ Therese said trying to comfort her ‘It was just a dream. You’re safe now’

‘Sorry’ Carol said ‘I don’t know what’s gotten into me’ She looked down at her pyjamas and round at the pillow ‘Look at this mess’

‘Don’t worry about it’ Therese said softly ‘It’ll get tidied up’

Therese had been released from the hospital around lunchtime that day. Carol had spent the day fussing over her, making sure she relaxed on the couch and didn’t lift a finger. She was so relieved to have Therese back and to know she was safe. But the thoughts started creeping in again. The more she fussed over her the more anxious she had become. She kept getting visions of her dreams: Therese lying on the floor, the look on Therese’s face as the cab was upon her. _Stop it_ , she said shaking her head. _She’s fine, nothing’s going to happen to her and she’s not going to leave me. I know that._

Despite the logical part of her brain telling her everything was going to be fine she struggled all day to fight of these intrusive thoughts. Just as she had the night before she found things to obsess over. Unfortunately, this was Therese herself. It was a vicious circle. The more she obsessed the more anxious she became, the more the thoughts came, the more she needed to find something to focus on, the more she focussed on Therese. By the time she got to bed she was exhausted and more terrified than she’d been in ages.

‘Don’t you think it’s about time you spoke about it? Therese asked ‘This is the third time this week you’ve shot up in a pool of sweat. They’re obviously becoming worse’

Carol looked into those beautiful green eyes, so full of love, kindness, devotion and mystery. Those eyes weakened and strengthened her at the same time. Those eyes calmed her and raised her anxiety all at once. Lost in those eyes she blurted out ‘I’m going to lose you’ she couldn’t stop herself, she could never lie to those eyes. ‘That’s what they’re all about. It used to be that you would leave me for girls your own age but lately you’ve been getting physically hurt. This one you died’

‘I died, how?’

‘You drowned. I could see you floating on the sea. Your body was blue. I think that’s what this is all about. I have a fear you’ll leave me’

‘I would never leave you Carol, I love you. I can’t promise I won’t die though, but it’s coming into winter so we won’t be going for a swim in the sea’. Therese replied trying to lighten the mood.

‘Don’t joke’ Carol was not amused ‘This is serious. It feels like we have everything. Our friends are always telling us how lucky we are. They couldn’t even dream of what we have because it’s so impossible, but here we are living together and being happy. Not getting through. Not smiling to mask what’s really going on. There’s no pretence. People like us kill themselves because they can’t see a way of ever being happy. I’m scared I’ll lose it all. Either you’ll walk out on me or something will happen to you to take you from me’

Therese was relieved to finally have it all out in the open. _Why hadn’t I thought of this before_ she said to herself.

‘Darling, it’s true what you say, we are luckily. I wake up every morning feeling lucky. I fear something might come along to end it too’.

‘You do?’ Carol replied with surprise.

‘Yes of course. Sometimes I think you’ll fall out of love with me like you did with Abby or you’ll meet someone else’

Carol shook her head ‘I didn’t fall out of love with Abby, I was never truly in love with her to begin with. It was nothing like what you and I have and I certainly could never leave you for anyone else. There’s no one else for me but you. I think that’s what makes things worse. I know that if we were to split up you could find someone else. She won’t be as good as me’ She smiled at Therese ‘But you could still have a life with someone else. I couldn’t’

‘Why not? You’re gorgeous, intelligent, funny, sophisticated, amazing in bed. You can have anyone you like’

‘Well that’s true’ They both laughed ‘No seriously I couldn’t go through all this again. To open myself up and give myself to someone else. I don’t have the strength or the desire. Besides I can’t imagine not being with you. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want anyone but you touching me either’

Therese pulled her closer and rested Carols head on her shoulder. ‘I don’t want anyone but you either. You know my biggest fear is that Harge will use Rindy against you again’

‘He wouldn’t and couldn’t even if he tried. I can’t be happy without you and though I can’t be truly happy without Rindy either I know that she won’t be a child forever. One day she’ll be a woman and have her own mind. Either she’ll love and support me or loathe and reject me. But either way she’ll get on with her life and I’ll be left all alone. There’s no choice to be made’

Therese had never heard Carol speak like this, so open and free. Usually she shut down when she perceived herself as being weak. Usually Rindy was the one thing she was too distraught to talk about. Therese had always felt responsible for Carol losing full custody of Rindy and when Carol would hide her feelings at this loss she always felt it was because a part of Carol blamed her too.

‘What are you thinking?’ Carol asked.

‘Just that maybe what happened with Rindy wasn’t entirely my fault’

‘It’s not remotely your fault Therese. I’ve told you that a thousand times. My life with Harge was a lie. I decided to stop pretending. You gave me the strength to be who I am and it’s only by being myself that I’ll be a better mother to Rindy’

Therese felt the tears welling up in her eyes. Carol knew she blamed herself but she never did.

‘I don’t want Rindy to remember me the same way I do my mother. She was a kind, loving woman, but my memories of her mostly involve her sitting by herself with a drink in her hand, her mind constantly somewhere else. She was desperately unhappy; I realise that now. Not for the same reason I was of course’ she said with a laugh ‘But she had to marry a man she didn’t love because that’s what was expected. Now I always see my mother almost in a tragic light. She didn’t laugh much or seem to have much joy. When I look at family photo’s I see the same smile as I had in my ones’

Carol had never really spoken about her mother or her family life in general. Carol looked up a Therese. ‘Why are you smiling’

‘We’ve never really spoken like this before. It’s usually me telling you everything and you changing the subject when I ask about you. I’ve never felt so close to you’

Carol put her hands on the side of Therese’s face and kissed her lips gently. ‘I should be more open with you I know. I’ll try harder. It’s difficult for me. I grew up being told to hide what’s going on and always appear happy and in control. I want you to know everything about me. You just have to be patient’.

At that Carol remembered her soaking pyjama’s. ‘I really should clear this up and go shower’

‘I’ll help you’

‘You can’t you’ve only got one good hand. There’s no way you can help change the sheets’

Therese contemplated this for a second. ‘I can still help you shower though’ she replied with a wicked smile.

‘You’re supposed to be resting’ Carol replied returning the smile ‘But I suppose the shower would be a great place to get to know me better’

Once they got back into bed Carol wrapped her arms around Therese. She had never felt so wanted, so loved or so safe. She drifted off into a sound sleep, her dreams filled with Therese. She’d never been so happy.


End file.
